Honesty
by Tayy.Babe
Summary: Drakian Cousland is supposed to be focused on the upcoming blight. But Leliana continues to invade his every thought. Leliana has decided to ask why he won't admit his feelings, no matter how much Drakian wants to keep them inside. M!Cousland/Leliana.


_A/N: I don't know why, I just had the urge to write a Dragon Age story. _

_Drakian, my human warden, is having trouble dealing with his feelings. Only one woman can help him with that, no matter how much he doesn't want to admit that fact. _

_Enjoy(:_

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><p>Another day closer to the final battle, another sleepless, nightmare filled night. The Warden's eyes quickly opened, to more darkness, and the sight of the shadows of rain drops on the cloth of his tent. At first he sat and just watched the droplets fall against the tent, and race down to meet the ground, hoping that if he watched for long enough the sight would lull him back to sleep. But it didn't. It didn't take the stress away, and it didn't return his slumber to him.<p>

He feared that he may never find another night where he could simply lay down for bed, and find the sleep he was searching for. Always, _always_ there were too many thoughts in his mind, fighting for dominance. Unfortunately, the victor would always be the bad dreams. The dreams reminding him of the final battle, the dreams trying to convince him they would lose. And even though he would tell himself they were only dreams, they would always bother him, make him nervous, make him believe them.

The Warden sat up, and crawled out of his tent. The rain soaked him almost immediately, taking the last of his drowsiness from him. He brushed water out of his eyes and continued forward, out of the camp. He didn't know where he was going, but he hoped that just getting, well, away would help, at least a bit.

Usually, at these times in his life, he would find comfort in another. More often than not, a woman. When he'd first arrived, non-admittedly scared out of his mind, he found it in Morrigan. She did well with keeping him in check, being unusually blunt, shutting him up with her kisses, her body, making him forget. She pushed the pain and the fear into the deep recesses of his mind.

Later on, though, when the pain began to resurface, show it's face to him once more, it was Leliana who he found comfort in. Morrigan wasn't exactly satisfied at first, no, but she soon got over it. The Warden found that he didn't much care, because the peace he found with Leliana was worth more than temporary pleasure and a blank state of mind. When he finally came to her, she seemed to be waiting for him, waiting for him to trust her. She was always there for him, to listen to his ramblings, to talk to him, to laugh with him. She was everything he'd needed.

She was the only one able to break through his tough outer exterior, the only one with the ability to make him even think of admitting exactly how he felt. She loved him, made him love her, and that, that was what pushed him away.

Being a Warden, it was his life. It was his job. Forever he'd have to battle the darkspawn, and the other evils of the world, and _that_ was what he had to be focused on. Leliana broke his focus. Leliana brought up feelings inside him that he didn't want to admit he had, because if he admitted and actually came to terms with the fact that he was in love with her, well it'd distract him. He couldn't afford to be distracted, and neither could Ferelden. Everyone was depending on him.

Everyone.

The stress of that was killing him faster than anything possibly could. He couldn't love her, and do this fight at the same time. She wouldn't understand that though, and that's why when she admitted her feelings to him just two days prior, he'd lied and said he didn't feel the same way. She went to her tent, crying, and almost made him do the same. The only reason he didn't was because he had to keep his hard, emotionless demeanor.

Because, again, everyone was depending on him.

Feeling more exhausted just with his thoughts than before, the Warden stopped walking. He sighed heavily, " Maker, why does it have to be this hard?" he said to himself, his voice almost cracked.

" Funny. I asked him the same thing just the other day." Said a voice from behind him. He already knew who's it was, it didn't take him more than a second to guess.

Quickly, the Warden recomposed himself. He wouldn't show weakness, not even to her. He couldn't bring himself to do so, even though doing so would make him feel so much better. To seal the deal, he turned to her, his face hard. He didn't look like he had just been close to completely breaking down a second before.

" Please, leave me alone, Leliana. I want to be alone." He said. His mind told him he'd said correctly, but his heart knew the truth. That he was lying. He wanted her to comfort him, but she couldn't, not anymore. Not without giving in, and giving her the idea that he reciprocated her feelings. He didn't know that she knew him better, though. He didn't know that Leliana was more than aware that he did in fact have the same feelings.

" No you don't." Leliana said, shaking her head and meeting his blue eyes with her own. Her eyes shined bright in the rain, he could see their enchanting blue through the water. They were calling to him.

The Warden readied himself to lie, but he couldn't bring the words to exit his lips. He knew she was right. He wouldn't let her know it though. He turned away from her, and looked at the stretch of forest ahead of him. Shaking his head, he walked forward.

" You are wrong." he said, " You don't know what I want." He came under the brush of the trees, and they shielded the rain from him slightly.

" Of course I know what you want." Leliana told him, her voice was close, and he knew she wasn't far behind him. " In fact, I know what you want better than you do." she added on, and again he shook his head.

He sighed, " I wish you would stop being so full of yourself." he said, venom in his words. He stopped walking and turned to face her, slightly surprised when she appeared closer than she'd thought she was. She looked up at him, like she could see right through him, and it bothered him. No matter how hard he tried couldn't fend her off.

" You do not know me, Leliana." He added, his eyes narrowing, " Just get away from me, and leave me alone!" he added loudly, his fists clenching at his sides. She was damaging his walls, and he couldn't allow her to do it any longer.

Instead of answering, the redhead just walked closer. It irritated the Warden. Was there nothing he could do to keep her away? Did she even hear any of the words he was saying? Now he'd have to go to more drastic proportions. He'd have to wound her. And he would do so by bringing up a painful happening of events.

" I told you two days ago that I do not feel the same way you do. I thought that telling you that would get the truth through your pretty little head. I thought that you would finally leave me alone." He said darkly. He took another breath. " I want you to go away. I do not _want_ you. I do not _love you_."

She stopped walking and stared at him then Her entire face fell, telling him exactly what she was feeling. He looked in her eyes and knew that the pool of water there was not the same water coming from the clouds above them. He'd made her cry. It wounded him, and he almost took back his words. But maybe he'd been to gentle the first time she'd told him, maybe this way she'd actually leave him alone. Let him suffer in silence, and therefore more easily take on the idea of the fight ahead.

Suddenly, her eyes narrowed. There was so much fire and anger, and...love, in them that he couldn't handle it. She rushed to him, making it over to him in just a few steps. She brought her hands back, and pushed them flat against his muscled chest, shoving him backwards. He stumbled, but quickly caught his balance, and stayed silent as she raved at him.

" What is wrong with you?" She shouted at him, her voice wavering. He'd wounded her with his words. No matter how much of a lie they were, those words had still hurt her. " How can...how can you say such things to me!" she looked to him for an answer, but he did nothing but look away.

He couldn't bring himself to say a word. He could feel himself breaking, anything else he said would be the truth. He couldn't tell her why without breaking down.

She shoved him again, frustrated with his silence. " Say something!" she screamed, and he could hear that she was ready to break down herself. She understood him, he knew, understood everything about him, but just not why he wouldn't admit his feelings. " Damnit, Drakian, just be honest with me!" she cried, using his full name. She didn't say it much, but when she did, she was trying to get to him.

Drakian snapped his head to her, all his frustration shown in his tone, his stance, and finally his words.

" I can't, Leliana!" Drakian yelled, his breathing hard, he could feel himself breaking inside.

Leliana's forehead crinkled, and tears now came streaming down her cheeks, " What do you mean you _can't tell me_! ?" she yelled, her volume almost competing with his. " I told you you can tell me anything, and you know that!"

" What do you want me to tell you? !" He asked loudly.

He'd hurt her even more by saying he couldn't tell her. She'd told him several time that he could tell her whatever, whenever, that he could confide in her. It was her nature for her to do so. But by telling her now, he'd get to wrapped up, admit too much. Open doors that were meant to be sealed shut.

" The truth, Drakian!" she yelled back, " I want the truth."

The warden threw his hands in the air in surrender, " Fine, here it is!" he said loudly. He couldn't believe he was finally going to say it. He was about to make his life even more complicated than it already was. He was going to admit his feelings, if only to put her mind at ease. If only to not hurt her anymore. He now realized that hurting her was worse than just shutting up.

" I am a Grey Warden. I am the Grey Warden who's supposed to save the world, who is supposed to protect the place we call home. And if I don't do it well, everyone will die." Drakian began, " Therefore, I am supposed to be focused on saving this world. I am only here to do that. And you Leliana, you keep distracting me!

" You come into my life, and you completely take it over. I can do nothing without you in my thoughts. Anytime I do anything, there you are again. Every step I take, every decision I make, I can't help but think of you, or how it will effect you.

" Every day, every _single_ day, I think about kissing you, holding you, making you happy. Taking you in my tent. And no matter how goddamn hard I try, you won't leave my mind. No matter how hard I try to push you away, you keep coming back, and I can't let you do it anymore." he said, finally taking a breath. The look on her face, he couldn't even explain. It was a mix of joy, happiness, and confusion.

" I...I don't understand why you cannot just come to terms with the fact that you feel for me-" She was going to continue, but Drakian wasn't finished.

" It is because I do not simply 'feel' for you." Drakian said, he looked briefly at the sky and shut his eyes tight. Was he truly going to say it? If he did, there was no going back. He brought his head down, and looked at her waiting for him to say it, to speak.

Feeling both physically and mentally exhausted, he finally let it out, " It is because I love you." he said, and surprised even himself when hot tears ran down his cheeks.

" Leliana, I love you. And...I...I'm scared." he couldn't believe he was allowing himself to unravel before her. She looked at him, waiting for him to continue on. " I'm scared because if I give myself to you, and I let you give yourself to me, I'll be to worried about protecting you to focus. Life with the blight now, it's so uncertain..." He was hushed, with a finger to his lips.

He looked down at Leliana, her tears flowing as steadily as his now. She nodded, " You are right. It is uncertain." she began, keeping her voice as steady as possible, " But that does not mean we should abandon the love we have for each other, Drakian."

She put her soft hands on either of his cheeks, bringing his head lower. Her lips were brushing his as she spoke. " Drakian, I love you. And I refuse to let the Blight stand in my way." she said softly, and the power of her words struck him. She was right, he knew that in his heart, and it was time he came to terms with that. " Will you let it stand in your way?" she asked him.

" No." Drakian answered, and as soon as the word left his lips, he knew he'd said the right thing. " I will not let it stand in my way." He kissed her then, promising his words with a kiss.

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><p><em>AN: Alright, that's it. Ideas for Dragon Age things come in my head alot, so maybe i'll decide to write more about Drakian and Leliana. So, if you enjoyed this, please take a few seconds out of your day to **REVIEW. ** All feedback is appreciated. _

_Thanks for reading!_

_-Taylor(:_


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